[Rider Of Sucess]

Three drunk guys are sitting behind a couple of nuns at a football game (whose habits partially blocked the view).

In an effort to get te nuns to move, the men decided to badger them.

In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, I heard there are only 100 nuns living there."

The Second Guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns there."

The Third Guy said, "Well, I want to go to Idaho, they say there are only 25 Nuns living there."

At that, one of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm voice said, "Why don't you all go to hell. You won't find any nuns there."

[Rider Of Sucess]

Bus load of politicians was driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.

The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer told him he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, they were ALL dead?"

The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."

[Rider Of Sucess]

Joe goes to consult a world famous specialist about his medical problem. After the visit Joe asks, "How much do I owe you?"

"My fee is five hundred dollars," replies the physician.

"Five hundred dollars? That's impossible. No one charges that much!"

"In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred."

"Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous."

"Well, then, could you afford two hundred?"

"Who has that kind of money? Do you think I'm Bill Gates ?"

"Look, replies the doctor," growing irritated, "Just give me fifty bucks and get out."

"I can give you twenty," says Joe. "Take it or leave it."

"I don't understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have no money?"

"Listen, Doctor", says Joe, "When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive."

[Rider Of Sucess]

lady was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

She took out her wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told her.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the lady asked.

"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said.

"I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?"

"Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well, I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight." The homeless Woman was shocked, "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The lady said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."

[Rider Of Sucess]

How to start your day with a positive outlook

Open a new file in your PC.

Name it as "Boss".

Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.

Empty the RECYCLE BIN.

Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"

Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

Feel better? Have A Nice Day.

[Rider Of Sucess]

A priest and a rabbi were talking when the rabbi asked the priest about confession. "I have an idea," said the priest.

Why don't you sit with me on my side of the confession booth and hear it for yourself? No one will ever know.

A woman came into the booth and said, "Bless me Father for I have sinned."

The priest asked, "What did you do?"

"I cheated on my husband."

"How many times?"

"Three times."

"Well," said the priest, "Say 5 Hail Marys and put 5 dollars in the offering box."

Another woman came and said, "Bless me Father for I have sinned."

The priest asked, "What did you do?"

"I cheated on my husband."

"How many times?"

"Three times."

Again the priest said, "Say 5 Hail Marys and put 5 dollars in the offering box."

Then the priest said to the rabbi, "Would you like to do the next confession?"

The rabbi started to object, but the priest said, "Go ahead. It's easy."

So another woman came in and said, "Bless me Father for I have sinned."

This time the rabbi asked, "What did you do?"

"I cheated on my husband."

"How many times?"

The woman said, "Twice."

Then the rabbi said, "Well go do it again. They're 3 for 5 dollars today.

[Rider Of Sucess]

2 larkiyan aaps may gehri sahaliyan thi. ittifaq se dono mar gaen.en ki roohain aaps may
milein or aik dosray se merny ka sabab pocha.
Pehli boli "may apnay shohar per bohat zaida shak karti thi k wo meri ghair mojoodge may
dosri larkiyon se milta hai. yahi soch kar aik din may office se jaldi ghar aagae lakin ghar aakar
dekha tu shohar ghar may belkul akala betha hai ya dekh kr may itni khush huwi k khushi se
foran mar gae."
Dosri boli "kaash os waqt tumnay fridge khol kr dekh liya hota tu na tum marti or na may marti"

[Rider Of Sucess]

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

[Rider Of Sucess]

Hard Disk Girls:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Girls:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

Windows Girls:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

Screensaver Girls:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

Internet Girls:
Difficult to access.

Server Girls:
Always busy when you need her.

Multimedia Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Girls:
She is always faster and faster.

Email Girls:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

Virus Girls:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.

[Rider Of Sucess]

A married man was visiting his mistress when she requested that he shave his beard.

"Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she'd kill me!"

"Oh, please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a ***y little voice.

"Oh, really, I can't," he replies. "My wife loves this beard!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night, James crawls into bed with his wife while she's sleeping.

The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies, "Oh, Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon."

[Rider Of Sucess]

A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching for speeders along a well-traveled stretch of highway. The location, at a bend in the road, allowed him to hide his car out of sight of oncoming traffic while setting up his radar to nab any speeders who passed by. He had used this location successfully a number of times, especially on holidays, and decided to use it again one Labor Day weekend.

The officer arrived at his hiding place and set himself up, settling down to wait for the first speeders to appear. After a half hour or so the officer hadn't seen anybody speeding.

In fact most of the cars that passed him were traveling exactly at the speed limit, and some of the passengers in the passing cars were even smiling and waving at him. He couldn't believe this was happening since his hiding place was so well concealed.

Finally, after realizing that virtually all the passing cars knew he was there, the officer decided that something was wrong and went investigate.

He got out of his car and walked up the road a short distance. About 100 yards before his hiding place the officer found the problem: A 10 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said: RADAR TRAP AHEAD.

A little more investigative work led the officer to the boys accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading TIPS and a bucket at his feet full of change.

[Rider Of Sucess]

A doctor had just delivered twins. They were a boy and a girl.

The head nurse brought them out for their father to see.

He could hardly believe his good fortune. The girl baby had a pink blanket wrapped around her and the boy baby was enclosed in a blue blanket.

He took one step forward just so he could touch the babies and believe they had finally arrived.

As he started to touch them the nurse took a step backwards and said, "You can't touch those babies. You aren't sterile!"

With out missing a beat, he retorted "You're telling ME I'm not sterile?!"

[Rider Of Sucess]

Joe was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

[Rider Of Sucess]

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one !", the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear.

"The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with DSL, BPS, light-speed processing .... and..."

...pausing to take another drink of beer.... The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young, so we invented them. Now, you - arrogant little shit - what are you doing for the next generation?"

[umair_pak]

Nice Collection of jokes

[Rider Of Sucess]

Originally Posted by umair_pak

Nice Collection of jokes

Thx bro.........

[Rider Of Sucess]

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn`t even believe there`s a hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we`ll show him how wrong he is."

[Rider Of Sucess]

A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"

The husband laughs and says, "An English girl !!!"

The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks, "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Very good, thank you."

"And, what happened to my present?"

"Which present?" She asked?

"The one I asked for- the English girl!!"

"Oh, that" she said, "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if it is a girl !!!"

[Rider Of Sucess]

Tim: Sam, I hear you just got married again.
Sam: Yes, for the fourth time.
Tim: What happened to your first three wives?
Sam: They all died, Tim.
Tim: How did that happen?
Sam: My first wife ate poison mushrooms.
Tim: How terrible! And your second?
Sam: She ate poison mushrooms.
Tim: And your third ate poison mushrooms too?
Sam: Oh, no. She died of a broken neck.
Tim: I see; an accident.
Sam: Not exactly. She was not eating her mushrooms.

[Rider Of Sucess]

During work, John and William were chatting:

John: William, I've been taking night courses for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.

William: oh!

John: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?

William: No

John: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this.

The next day, the same discussion took place:

John: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas?

William: No

John: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.

The next day, once again:

John: And do you know who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?

William: No

John: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.

This time, William got irritated and said: "And you, do you know who is George Hunt?"

John: No

William: He's the guy enjoying with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this...