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20-06-2008, 04:15 AM
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| Frankness in Conversation!!! (on net) Assalam-o-Alikum .... Since online chatting and internet social forums have become so common and important part of our lives so I would like to ask something ... What do you think, how much there should be certain limits? What should be the level of frankness (specially when the the 2 are from opposite gender)? Should they be selective for words they are using? well I would like to have your views ... what you think and what you do ... though it's for both scenario (same gender and opposite gender) but can focus more on opposite gender talk since that's something more sensitive issue. Looking forward to hear u :) ALLAH HAFIZ for now
__________________ ........................................ little changes bring the BIG ones ... so let's get changed right from the individual level to change the whole picture Verbal Impression lasts longer n matters more than Visual Impression so be thoughtful about it ...........AQUARIAN........... |
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20-06-2008, 04:23 AM
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| walaikum aslaam, well there should be some limits regardless of being on net or in real life.. level of frankness depends on the individuals. ppl r different comparitively so what ever suits them. n yes ppl should be selective when they r havin conversation.. selection of words can make u or break u ....
__________________  “Nothing is given to man on earth - struggle is built into the nature of life, and conflict is possible - the hero is the man who lets no obstacle prevent him from pursuing the values he has CHOSEN.” |
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20-06-2008, 04:35 AM
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| By "on net" I want to focus this virtual world conversation ... where ppl normally take things little easier than real life conversation. Or don't think much or be much conscious when they are on net .... that's why I want to know how much ppl keep them in limit here ... Plus no matter what they are doing, do they think better would be if we keep things within the line as at least we do in real scenario.
__________________ ........................................ little changes bring the BIG ones ... so let's get changed right from the individual level to change the whole picture Verbal Impression lasts longer n matters more than Visual Impression so be thoughtful about it ...........AQUARIAN........... |
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20-06-2008, 04:52 AM
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| if i talk only about me.. then i m very easy going person.. i don't like to create scenes.. unless i can't heck it no more.. but that's me.. i m like this in real life too.. but again there should be some line/limits ..cos whether it's virtual world or real.. ppl r real for sure.. .. :o)
__________________ “Nothing is given to man on earth - struggle is built into the nature of life, and conflict is possible - the hero is the man who lets no obstacle prevent him from pursuing the values he has CHOSEN.” |
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20-06-2008, 06:43 AM
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| Hmmm .... ok
__________________ ........................................ little changes bring the BIG ones ... so let's get changed right from the individual level to change the whole picture Verbal Impression lasts longer n matters more than Visual Impression so be thoughtful about it ...........AQUARIAN........... |
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23-06-2008, 12:49 AM
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| In my openion mannerism must not be overlooked, abandoned or given brushoff as God is alwys watching us and our actions. |
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23-06-2008, 01:11 AM
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| will you bit elaborate your approach ?? ... I mean lil explain things so that ppl can understand and learn something from it @ASQR
__________________ ........................................ little changes bring the BIG ones ... so let's get changed right from the individual level to change the whole picture Verbal Impression lasts longer n matters more than Visual Impression so be thoughtful about it ...........AQUARIAN........... |
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23-06-2008, 06:57 AM
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| It is said in our great Islamic Religion that speak things to the world at large that are in line with Allah's allowance and try to stay away from cheating, lies, exaggeration, bullying's and personal matters, Try to show your character as that of a person who means goodness, and means well. Deal with enemies and friends fairly and justly. Seek if u must the advise form your elders first and elders means starting from your parents than go down to uncles and aunts depending on your personal experience about them. thing that you can control try and control or obey them, things like your anger, passions, respect, humbleness, politeness, prayers, alms, helping needy, cleanliness etc. Always check with your conscious when you do any thing, your conscious will guide you for right or wrong. Stay away from gossip, from lies, from back biting, again let your conscious be the judge. And things you cannot control such acts done by others that your conscious says are wrong, try to help fix them if you can, if it is out of your control pray to All mighty Allah S.W.T.for him to take care of those matters, as he is all knowing, all power and all mercy. This in my opinion is Islamic mannerism. I hope that this will answer your question, if not let me know, I will try again. Thanks. May Allah S.W.T help us understand true Islam.Ameen. Last edited by ASQR; 23-06-2008 at 07:00 AM.. |
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23-06-2008, 12:56 PM
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| Walaikam Assalam AQN :) Aik aisa topic cher diya jis per lazman bohat behes hogi yahan per and i suspect ke omer ne 2 din baad hi "lambi" posts se ghabra ker bhag jana hai issi liyeh us ne mokah ghaneemat jana ke Nadeem bhai chunkey abhi aae nahin is liyeh apna opinion de ker bhagney ki karo  lolz  ok mazaq aik side per rukhtey hain:) Behna, aap ke sawal main bohat se further "inter-twined" topics bhi aa shamil hotey hain. Jis main sub se wazeh to "cross-gender relationship" hai. Ager islam to strictly follow kiya jae, to ye sub "na-mehram" ki heading ke under aata hai. Pehley na-mehram ki definition perh letey hain:) "Anyone opposite gender individual who is not related to you by blood, is you na-mehram". Is waqt baat male prospect se ki jae ya female se? I guess jahan per ye rule ziada sakhti se apply hota hai hum baat ussi gender ke hawaley se ker letey hain. Online ki jahan tuk baat hai, it may be said that since wahan per nazer nahin aa rhaey hotey hain aur wo chunkey cyber world hai is liyeh wahan sub chalta hoga. To main aisi soch rakhney walon ko ittelaen bata doon ke nahin, cyber world main bhi jo ehkamaat islam de chuka hai, wo sub as it is lagoo hote hain, kiyun ke islam zamaney ke mazhab nahin, tamam zamanon aur tamam insaanon ka mazhab hai aur ALLHA TALLAH ne apni shariah ko mukammal ferma diya tha. Is liyeh ye taweel ke islam us waqt diff aur aaj diff hai, would be considered as a "deewaney ka khaab" :) aik rasikh ul akeeda musalmaan honey ke natey ager mujh se poocha jae to main cross gender frankness ke bohat ziada favor mian nahin hoon. specially when it is termed as "dosti". Is liyeh ke cross gender main Dsoti naam ki koi shay exist nahin kerti hai. Issi liyeh hamara mazhab humain in tamaam FITNON se duur rehney ko kehta hai. Umar bohat ziada matter kerti hai. Haan ye zaroor hai ke 100% cases main na sahi, mager majority of the cases main age counts a lot. Is liyeh ke age jitni im-mature hogi, utna hi insaan ziada prune ho ga gunah ke rastey per behek janey main. Unfortunately is ka major reason hamarey moashrey main walidain ki apni aulad ki perwairsh hai. Main samajhta hoon ke aaj ke walidain apni aulad ki perwarish proper andaaz main nahin ker rahey hain. Main ne akser kaha hai aur aja phir kahoon ke nojawan aaj kasoor war tehraya jata hai her jagah, jub ke main aisa nahin samajhta. Main walidain ko kasoor war thehrata hoon. Imagine karain, ager 100 15 saal ke bacchey mojood hon to un se pooch ke dekho ke "ghusal" kissey kehtey hain.....i am sure 90% se ziada aap ko "nahana" hi ghussal ki definition bataengey:). to ager aaj terbiyat ka ye alam hai to ager in kacchey zehnon ko hum free relations ki daldal main dhakail dain, to aap khud imagine ker saktey hain ke result kis kader bhayank ber-amad ho saktey hain. Jub mazhabi tashakkhus hi nahin hai aaj ke bacchon ke paas, to wo kiya faisley mazhab ki roshani main laingey??? Is liyeh aisey moahsrey aur assumption ke saath main is haq main nahin ke online hi sahi, cross gender frankness aur relations bohat ziada honey chahiyeh hain.......
__________________ Forumpk.com |
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23-06-2008, 03:37 PM
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Nadeem bhai i agree what u've said...1stly I want to correct urdefinition of na-mehram as mentioned in hadeeth... "Na-mehram is that person to whom u can marry" well topic thora sa different taraf nikal gaya baat aa gayi walidain ki parwarish ki related to cross-gender relationship...yeh baat bilkul sahi hai k hum muslims ki badbakhti hai k we cudn't follow islamic life as advised by Prophet Muhammad SAWW...parents aksar apni aulad ko sahi tarbiyat nahi detay as islam has prescribed mostly yehi souch letay hian k musalman khandan mein paida ho gaya its enuff...agay woh khud hi seekh lega islam...aj kal k parents aulad ko kisi Quran o Hadees k aalam se tadrees k bijayai english language k tutor se parhwatay hain us age mein jab k usko islamic education ki taraf le k jana chahiyai...i'm not saying k all other studies r not important...magar aik age hoti hai jis mein human child brain develop ho raha hota hai us waqt usko jis rukh moor liya jayai woh ussi rukh chalta hai sari zindagi...hum se ziyada is waqt aik newly converted muslim ko islamic values ki kadar hai...this is the most un-fortunate fact for us... baki Allah ne insan ko ba-shaoor paida kiya hia aur usko naiki aur badi donun rastay dikhayain hain...aur usko azad khayal paida kiya hia k jaunsa marzi rasta chunay...magar magar magar sath mein yeh b define kr diya k MAIN(Allah) yeh chahta hoon...ab insan ki marzi hai k woh jaunsa marzi rasta chunay...Khuda ne usko uska ikhtiyar diya hai...bcaz Allah chahta hai k insan khud HAQ ko mehsoos karay aur kisi bandish mein aa k uski ibadat na karay balkay dil se karay jo sachi aur haqeeqi muhabbat ki pehli sharat hai...
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23-06-2008, 04:02 PM
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| I have come to the conclusion after reading remarkable post of Nadeem bhai that we shud be observing our limits while conversing with anyone onto the net or in real life. It is far more important that we shud correct ourselves rather than blaming our parents and letting them feel bad abt their "parwarish", if they can be blamed for this, I cant ever see this... they did their part and tried best to make us understand the real ethics... wot else shud I say... me myself need correction.. and Insha'Allah I'll do it from now and even if it is a conversation on net I'll observe the limits of frankness...! I feel so bad for such immature nature of mine and today the "parwarish" of parents is being questioned.. I feel really bad... 
__________________  ye dasht-e-junoon ye pagalpan ye peecha kerti ruswai ye ranj-o-alam yeh hizn-o-malal ye nala-e-shab yeh soz-e-kamaal Dil main Kahin benaam chubhan aur had-e-nazar tak tanhai hum dasht-e-junoon k sodai Last edited by freeek; 23-06-2008 at 04:13 PM.. |
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23-06-2008, 04:19 PM
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u've the examples of AQNsis, ASQRsis n Aisha Khan to follow :) its not that hard as ppl think :) i'm givin such an example bcaz they r in front of ur eyes...
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23-06-2008, 06:09 PM
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Anyways thanks for sharing your good approach :)
__________________ ........................................ little changes bring the BIG ones ... so let's get changed right from the individual level to change the whole picture Verbal Impression lasts longer n matters more than Visual Impression so be thoughtful about it ...........AQUARIAN........... |
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23-06-2008, 06:15 PM
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| indeed very well said by ASQR...
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23-06-2008, 06:35 PM
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lol ................. jee ... isi leyey tu badi mushkil sey khud ko roka huwa tha kuch kehnay sey .... ki pehlay log leh lein :) Neo ka jawab bhi khamoshi sey SIRF SUN liya .... aadat k ber khilaaf ... jis k leyey yaqeenan wo dil mey shukraaney adaa ker rahein hongey ki BACHATTT!! :)) aap ka wait ker rahi ki aap start ker dein gey tu phir koee mujhey nahi kahey ga ki phir wohi lambi discussion .... (j/k)
__________________ ........................................ little changes bring the BIG ones ... so let's get changed right from the individual level to change the whole picture Verbal Impression lasts longer n matters more than Visual Impression so be thoughtful about it ...........AQUARIAN........... |
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23-06-2008, 07:10 PM
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Na-mehram ki aadhi definition wo hey jo aap ney kahi ... aadhi wo jo Asjad ney keh di ... aur tamam na mehram sey insan ka na sirf aankh bulkey kaan ka bhi perda hey (I mean avoid maximum ki he could listen to your voice). Per agar hum thodi gunjaish khud k dey k is topic pey baat karein ... yani jitna Islam (perdey k hawaley sey) hum aaj follow ker rahein hein .... tu main yey janna chah rahi thi ki kitney naujawan hein jo samajhtey hein ki yea there shud be some line ... aur kitney hein jo khud pey implement bhi kertey hein. Well mostly wht I came across ... ppl say ki we don't mind being Frank. Plus a worng concept of men with which I never agree (though 100 % agree that women are more prone so more bound to follow Islamic rules and being in certain limit) that when they say ki we deal women as they wanted to be dealt. Means there's no line they set for themselves ... but do respect the limits of the next person (gal) ... like if gals don't mind any little low word from them, they say ... if gal don't mind they touching her ... they will ... or so ... this is where I disagree ki why don't they set a line for themselves as well. Now come to gals ... yea they should be more careful ... specially when things are tagged with term DOSTI ...as u said, just an example ... the 2 (friends from opposite gender) talking on main chat box ... they are frank ... they are open ... and so. A third person is reading those chat ... what that person would conceive even not being extrimist or so negative ... Its a common and natural thing ... while the 2 never was conscious tht wht they are talking abt because the were pure from inside .... this is what I like to say youth that BE CONSCIOUS while talking to opposite gender. Anything can go wrong to you ... to next person or to any third person. Anything can happen which was never intended. Frankness at Cyber world is as dangerous as in Real world ... the reason here it is more exxaggerated ... just like having 2 tab of 500 mg a day will be equal to 5 tab of 200 mg a day :) Age!! ... definitely it matters a lot ... a 20 yrs old are more sensitive ... so whtever comes his/her way, he/she take it as "its the whole world for me " .... while if the 2 are mature, then things might be controlled a little.
__________________ ........................................ little changes bring the BIG ones ... so let's get changed right from the individual level to change the whole picture Verbal Impression lasts longer n matters more than Visual Impression so be thoughtful about it ...........AQUARIAN........... |
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23-06-2008, 07:37 PM
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and short baat karoon gee Asjad ... ki no doubt Islam zabardast ka qael nahi .... even ALLAH k Rasool S.A.W.W ney Islam ki taraf logoo'n ko zabardast mael nahi kiya bulkey wo sab unki behtreen zindagi ka asar tha ki log khud ba khud khinchtey chaley aaey Islam ki taraf ... tu yehi baat apply honi chahiyey tarbiyat k maa'mley mey ... zabardasti ka nateeja kis qadar bura nikal sakta hey uska tassuwar kerna koee mushkil nahi ... I have seen gals who are bound to take Hijab and have much restrictions from family ... n when they get opportunity, they just cross every line ... and this is where parents should play their role ... they shudn't make their kids rebelious ... they should not infuse an indirect hate towards Islam (Naa'uzobillah) or their family values .... it's their skill that how they tackle the scenario and raise up their kids ... though even lil restriction up to moderate level also help kids being out of track. Let me tell u ... my friend lives in UK and her inlaws are MASHALLAH much better Muslims than us ... initially she has to come across many questions from her kids .. specially the elder gal (who is like 7 or so now) ... they ask to wear the same thing but parents keep telling them tht No ur a Muslim gal ... n Muslim gals don't wear short skirts ... sleeveless tops n so (though she is just a kid) ... she gave examples tht see does ur mother (herself) wear the same as others do ... does ur phophoo or ur czn ... any one wear the same??? NO, we're ALHAMDOLILAH MUSLIM and we have this n this lines. and NOw MASHALLAH she, the baby, knew all these ... so its her parents n family effect. But of course one should understand wht he/she should do being a Muslim n being A Pakistani once get enough mature ... even if parents r lil flexible. aur ye tu bilkul sahi kaha n jaisa main keh chuki hoon doosri thread pey ki we take Islam for granted if Islam is our religion since generation to generation ... basic usool kia hein Islami zindagi guzarney ki ye tu pata hi nahi ... as he said ... kitney parent sikhatey hein "Ghussl k wajibaat: .... khana kahney k usool .... uuthney baethney ka tareeqa .... baat cheet ka saleeqa and so on ... bohat kam hey ye % unfortunately.
__________________ ........................................ little changes bring the BIG ones ... so let's get changed right from the individual level to change the whole picture Verbal Impression lasts longer n matters more than Visual Impression so be thoughtful about it ...........AQUARIAN........... Last edited by AQN; 23-06-2008 at 07:47 PM.. |
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23-06-2008, 08:13 PM
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Very true freek ... once we are able to think and categorize Right and Wrong ... then we should not wait for parents to ask us to be in limit ... its their responsibility to ask ... but its our responsibility to don't let them ask. AM really happy to go through with your words ... u know freek ... sometime our bad deeds or so ar just taken as "kaisey Maa'n Baap hein jinhoo'n ney ladki ko yey nahi sikhaya" ..or something like that .... tu ab bicharey Maa'n baap k wehm-o-guman mey bhi nahi ki kia horaha hey ... per un pey ilzam lag geya ... n yehi baat tu takleef deti hi zeyada ki mostly they (youth) r not doing all these consciously but they r taking as "not a good gal/ boy by others. I request all ki plz (sorry to say sometime at forums we see soooo much frankness) be careful wht ur saying and how ur saying. Achchey bachchey apney parents ko kabhi sherminda honey ka mauqa nahi detey nahi hi aiasa mauqa aaney detay hein ki unhey apney parents k aagey sherminda hona padey :)
__________________ ........................................ little changes bring the BIG ones ... so let's get changed right from the individual level to change the whole picture Verbal Impression lasts longer n matters more than Visual Impression so be thoughtful about it ...........AQUARIAN........... |
